Being perplexed

A part of me feels like I've never really given my best in anything I've done. I wonder if this is true. On second thought, I do think its true. Giving my best is part of me wanting to change - changing from the complacent procrastinator that I am - to someone who gives a damn and takes action. However, that change can only manifest itself if there was a lot more doing and a lot less thinking. I've done the difficult bit though. The hardest part about change is being honest with yourself and being able to recognise and acknowledge the need for change. This I have done a while back. But why hasn't there been any change? Why do I feel that I'm regressing rather than progressing? This leaves me perplexed. 

This summer I've decided to give my all in two aspects of my life that I have control of - one being a career change and delving into what I'm passionate about and the other being my relationship with my girlfriend. Honestly, I think these are the two aspects of my life which I've invested a lot of time and effort in, or in other words, aspects in which I can safely say I have been giving and continue to give my best. 

Nonetheless, therein lies the problem. Why haven't I experienced success in my career change? Its disheartening. Here I am thinking, "Hey, you've never really given your best and that's probably the reason for your lack of achievements. Perhaps if you could just give your all, results will start to show." But I've not seen the results, at least not in my career change. My relationship with my girlfriend is good and stable as we have been able to negotiate the peaks and troughs. But its this career aspect, which I feel if not resolved soon enough, will  have a damaging effect on all the hard work my girlfriend and I have put into our relationship.

So just how will the issues with my career affect my relationship? Imagine you've had a hard day at work. This obviously affects your mood, your positivity and perhaps your general well-being. Now imagine if you've been having a hard day at work every day for the past 3 months? Well, you become generally unhappy and its unfortunate that the people around you will be affected as well. In my case, my girlfriend has taken it upon her that she's not doing enough to help me, which is not the case at all. In fact, she doesn't even need to help me because its not her issue to resolve. Yet, she's helped me in every way possible and anyone would be more than happy and grateful to have such a supportive partner. But the truth is, my currently unsuccessful stint at a career change is affecting her and us. Therefore, I am perplexed. I concentrate my efforts with the hope of a positive change but all seem to be unraveling before my eyes.